Asking this to myself frequently is not enough to keep me awake and aware. I must be able to answer it too. What am I upto? What is my future? What am I doing? What should I do? What will become of me?
If you hear my dreams, you will laugh your heart out, I swear. Or perhaps you will try to control. My dreams are a paragon of impracticality and limitlessness. Engineering - Higher Studies - Comfortable job, and in the end, a self sufficient, independent Me. ONLY after this, marriage etc, etc and etc. Around 8-10 years hence, this is where I want to be. Heights, isn't it?
But sitting awkwardly alone in one corner of the terrace viewing the nothingness around me with undue interest and writing crap on a sheet of paper doesn't help. I'm doing something which, I know, is not what I should do. But what should I do?
I'm losing this battle. Or am I surrendering without fighting it? These intra-human wars, fought between the different areas of the mind(usually right brain v/s left brain), are as menacing as the World Wars. The magnitudes of the havoc caused by both these Wars are the same - one is seen, and the other felt.
I'm confused. Totally. I'm as confused as I was in 7th grade. when people asked me what I want to become. When I didn't even what what constitutes engineering, I would say "I don't know, but definately not engineering." Reason: I found it too common a profession, and hence I wanted to do something different.(Haahaahaahaa)
Of course, I've made up my mind with engineering, but Where? When? How? What next?
I think I'm wasting time dreaming. How foolish, I'm doing this even though I know those Eutopian dreams will forever remain in Eutopia and never turn true for me. When it comes to dreaming, I'm super ambitious, but...
Anyway, let me wait and watch. But this is my challenge, to all those people who have predicted my future, that I will become what I want to. Well to make things clear, my intention is not to prove the sacred-ash-and-beads-adorned men false, but it is to show that even "I" can do what I want to.
Oh-oh-oh! How I wish I worked as fast as my mind that flows so rapidly! I actually sat here(here=in one corner of the terrace) to study Sound. But I - sorry - my mind drifted from Newton - Laplace - pressure - self imposed pressure - confusion - and...you know the rest!!
